Lying to My Mother

Recently I talked with my mother on the phone. She usually calls every other weekend. I don't mind conversing with her so long as she doesn't nag me about going to church, reading the Bible, listening to Christian podcasts and Christian music. She's a fanatical, evangelical Christian (my dad is also, but not as much as my mom) and she's always tried to force her beliefs down my throat. She was successful up to the time that I turned 19 and then I completely rebelled and got myself into a lot of trouble. I went off to college and was out of control and made a lot of stupid decisions. I'd rather not divulge the details of the trouble that I got into, but the consequences were severe to say the least. Anyway, I moved out of the house in May 2006 and became an atheist. I had had doubts about God and an afterlife prior to my transition but they became more solidified when I became more free from my parents' influence.

Anyway, I've always tried to be honest with my Mom in regard to my thoughts, feelings and emotions; I'm closer to my mom than my dad. My parents know that I'm gay but, as you can imagine, it's a sore subject so we rarely discuss my sexuality, which is fine by me.

So last week she called me on the phone and asked if I'm keeping a blog anywhere. It was freaky because I had just started blogging and getting back into the gaining community. Obviously I don't want her to read this blog, so I lied and told her I only post on Facebook. She didn't challenge my answer but it hurt me to have to lie to her.

What's even worse is that she still thinks that I'm a Christian! That's why she's constantly asking about whether I've found a church to attend and whether I'm reading religious literature, etc.

I think the posts I make on Facebook sometimes reflect my atheistic sentiments but perhaps not. I'd tell her I'm an atheist but it would crush her and she'd tailspin into extreme anxiety and she'd make it very hard for my father to live with her. Suffice it to say, in this case, ignorance is bliss.

In regard to my relationship with my parents and my desire to become fat, I'm looking forward to showing off my additional poundage. I've always been thin so this is finally my way of taking control of my own body and visibly and silently declaring my lifestyle.

I'm going to try to deflect any questions they may ask about my weight gain. I'll try to change the subject or appear as though it's a troubling aspect of my life. I'll try to silently convey to them my wish to not talk about it with them. I don't want to flat-out lie to them in regard to my gaining and perhaps in time I'll tell them that I'm doing it intentionally, although it's none of their business.

One issue I've been thinking about a great deal is how a preteen or teenage gainer deals with their parents, especially when their parents want them to lose weight.

Well, this was a long blog, but hopefully you've learned more about me from reading it. Peace out!